


The Cat's Chatroom

by Siha_Shepard



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Chatting & Messaging, Dark Brotherhood Questline, Discrimination, Dragonborn (Elder Scrolls), F/F, Humor, Inspired by Fanfiction, Insults, Memes, Modded Skyrim, Multi, Parody, References to Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Sassy, Skyrim Civil War, Skyrim Main Quest, Slurs, Stereotypes, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thieves Guild Questline, khajiit dragonborn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-08 15:22:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15246240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siha_Shepard/pseuds/Siha_Shepard
Summary: This work is inspired by "If Skyrim Had Chatrooms..." by SoulStealer1987! Go forth and read their works, they are AMAZING!Basically, this is "A Cat's Tale"...in the form of a chatroom~! And given that there will be much canon divergence...Expect a bit of humor and a lot of fandom wish fulfillment~.





	1. A New Friend?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SoulStealer1987](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulStealer1987/gifts).
  * Inspired by [If Skyrim Had Chatrooms...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194119) by [SoulStealer1987](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulStealer1987/pseuds/SoulStealer1987). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Khajiit finds a chatroom. Hijinks ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by "If Skyrim Had Chatrooms..." by this incredible author, SoulStealer1987, and is basically a spin-off of my main Skyrim fic "A Cat's Tale"~.
> 
> Give both works a read to catch up before reading this one~!

**A New Friend?**

 

**_ <Kha_ ** _**jiitSneakThief >** has logged in_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Hello...? Orian? Are you there??

 

_**< GoldHair_GoldHeart> **has logged in_

 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** right here, Ella dear~. so, what exactly is it that we...do in this talk room?

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Orian, it is a chatroom~! For friends to chat in~!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...friends? Duella, where ARE your friends...?

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Right here~! ^_^ 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...me? you think...I'm your friend? even though it has only been a month since you found me in Riften? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Yes. A month is quite a while to know a person! 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** also, what is that little face symbol next to your words? it is quite cute! I want it! how do you do it??

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Oh, it is easy, tall friend! Make two arrows pointing up and put a tiny line in between~!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ^ _ ^ like this? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**....Needs work. Practice makes perfect! So...What brought you to Riften, tall golden friend? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...travel and magic. I wanted to see more than just my homeland all my life. to wander Tamriel and learn of magic may seem a stretch, but it will certainly beat being stuck with stuck-ups with noses stuck so far up their butt! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one likes you more and more~. 

 **GoldHair_** **GoldHeart:** well, you'll have no luck with me~. I prefer...stronger tastes~. tall, heavily armoured...rippling tastes...

 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ah!! my apologies, I am SO sorry!! I did not mean to act like...that...

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Or drool~. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** I drooled?? did I sully my robes?? do I still look amazing? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one thought you looked amazing when we met. She still thinks so now~!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** duella. truly, you were sent by auri-el himself. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Who is Auri-El? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** well, the races of Man call him Akatosh. we of the Altmer call him Auri-el. either way, he is the head deity of the pantheon, yes? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** We Khajiit call him Alkosh, the Dragon Cat. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** a dragon and a cat? how does that work? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...You are looking at one, my friend. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** WHAT. weren't they just some legend?! :O 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...A great big black 'legend' burnt down the town of Helgen, where I nearly met the axe.

 

_**< GoldHair_GoldHeart> **has disconnected_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Orian! Screaming into the nearest barrel is NOT a good way to turn heads! You're getting funny looks from the guard! Calm down! ...Ugh, I'll get you out of there...

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Who:
> 
>  
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief: Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> GoldHair_GoldHeart: Orian Adaire


	2. A New Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the Ratway!

**A New Friend?**

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged in_

**_< GoldHair_GoldHeart>_ ** _has logged in_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Orian...? Is the Altmer okay? Has he stopped giving his golden head a barrel bath?

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** yes, I am, but...why in my divine aunt Dibella's sacred teats have you taken so long?!

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one was...distracted by someone....

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Please do not be mad at Duella! :(

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** depends. was the distraction at least handsome and possibly has a brother? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Sibling? No.

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** oh, by Dibella's holy teats! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Handsome? ...Possibly~. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** you blessed kitten, you! name. looks. height. now. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Uh, he is a Nord with red hair, and his name was Brynjolf. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ugh, nevermind. it doesn't count if you're distracted by sleaze. say...did you...talk to him in any way? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Yes, this one thinks so. He asked if this one was light on coin, which she was. He then offered Khajiit a job...

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** you gullible kitten, what in Oblivion did you do?! did he touch you?? did he hurt you?? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one is right next to you. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** oh. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** And...no. He did not hurt this one. He asked her to...plant someone's ring into a nice shopkeeper's pocket? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** the dunmer and the argonian? Duella. please. don't tell me you framed an innocent man, I thought you defied that stupid stereotype! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one never did it! She pretended to lose the ring! 

_**< betterthingstodo> **has logged in_

 

 **betterthingstodo:** Ah so that's what you did lass

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!! sleaze! don't you DARE touch my friend! 

 **betterthingstodo:** I'd never dream of it but then again I wonder if anyone would bother to touch you

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart: !!!** how DARE you!! at least I don't smell like sewer sludge and skeever piss! 

 **betterthingstodo:** And at least I don't act like my head's up my ass

 **betterthingstodo:** Anyways, lass, if you find yourself short on coin, or get tired of talking with a pompous arse, look me up in the Ratway 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Wait! How did you log in?? 

 **betterthingstodo:** Tis a public chat, lass

 **betterthingstodo:** Remember the Ratway if you want something better to do

 

_**< betterthingstodo> **has logged out_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Orian...? Orian, are you alright? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...not all Altmer are sycophantic, stiff, high and mighty fools...you know that, my dear? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Of course Duella knows! This one would never think that of her friend! 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...thank you. I will...be at the Bee and Barb, Duella. if you...grow broke or bored, I won't stop you. all I ask is...be careful. 

 

_**< GoldHair_GoldHeart> **has logged off_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Orian...I could never grow bored of someone like you. 

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Who:
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief: Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> GoldHair_GoldHeart: Orian Adaire
> 
> betterthingstodo: Brynjolf


	3. Den of Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duella finds the Ratway and gets asked questions.

**Den of Thieves**

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief>**_  _has logged in_

**_< betterthingstodo>_ ** _has logged in_

**_< EliteSneakThief>_ ** _has logged in_

**_< Vekel_The_Man>_ ** _has logged in_

**_< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins>_ ** _has logged in_

**_< xXGoldenTouchXx>_ ** _has logged in_

**_< FuneralDirge>_ ** _has logged in_

 

**betterthingstodo:** So it looks like you made it through the Ratway, lass

**KhajiitSneakThief:** You didn't say shit about the BANDITS that were skeeving around the place, though! >:(

**betterthingstodo:** Easy lass, you made it, that's all that matters 

**betterthingstodo:** Now, allow me to introduce us as formally as I can

**betterthingstodo:** This is our main hub, so to speak: the Ragged Flagon, owned by our Vekel The Man 

**Vekel_The_Man:** Hello, newcomer. While you're here, please, treat my damn bar with some RESPECT. The last thing we need is someone having too much Black-Briar Mead and climbing atop the bar in a dress dancing and singing 'Ragnar The Red'. 

**Vekel_The_Man:** Again. 

**FuneralDirge:**...that was only one time, you know

 

_**< FuneralDirge> **has logged out _

 

**KhajiitSneakThief:** You will not have to worry about this one. Black-Briar Mead SUCKS! D:< 

**Vekel_The_Man:** Want to know what's worse than drinking it? Selling it. 

**betterthingstodo:** Careful now, you never know if Maven might pop into this chatroom

**betterthingstodo:** Considering her money keeps us afloat

**KhajiitSneakThief:**...Wow. 

**xXGoldenTouchXx:** i know. we were that desperate. welcome to this cozy little family of ours. my name is Tonilia, i'm their fence and Delvin's lookout. 

**KhajiitSneakThief:** It is nice to meet the nice Redguard! :D 

**xXGoldenTouchXx:** whatever you happen to...pick up in the field, you sell it to me at a tidy little price. speaking of which...your pack is looking a little heavy. wanna lighten the load? 

**KhajiitSneakThief:** Ugh, FINALLY! This one's back needed this!

  **xXGoldenTouchXx:** wait WHAT HOLY SHIT!! how many fucking swords do you even need?! and just how many potions are there?? what are THOSE?!

**KhajiitSneakThief:** Ah, sorry! This one made lots of potions in case of someone wishing to freeze, zap, or roast her, make her into a pincushion, or skewer her! Or worse, make this one into a rug! 

**xXGoldenTouchXx:**...i'll see if anyone is willing to buy all of these steel daggers and swords and dwarven maces...

 

_**< xXGoldenTouchXx> **has logged out_

 

**EliteSneakThief:** Man I feel sorry for the girl. The name is Mallory. Delvin Mallory. If youre looking for more subtle jobs to earn coin as well as a lesson on how to move through a crowd before youre spotted, come talk to me. 

**EliteSneakThief:** If break-ins are your type of thing talk to Vex.

**Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** hence my fucking name. nice to meet you, newbie. want me to learn your name, you haul in something worth talking about. 

**Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** which reminds me, if you want a bit of invading someone's personal space or learn a thing or two about a lock's sweet spot, give me a holler. but, if you really wanna make waves around here and put in some real work, go talk to Brynjolf. the other members will be down in the down in the Cistern from time to time. 

**KhajiitSneakThief:** Hmmmm....Duella would like to talk to Delvin! 

**EliteSneakThief:** Heh good choice. Now if only a certain VEXing woman would have the same bright idea. ;)

**Vekel_The_Man:** Just for that, you're getting nothing but watered down Black-Briar for the next five days. 

**Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** dammit, Delvin, if you say that crap one more time, kiss your three best friends goodbye, and I ain't talking about Bryn, Tonilia, and Vipir. 

**EliteSneakThief:**...When can a guy catch a break?

**Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** not with me, that's for sure. you know where to find me, new girl. 

**EliteSneakThief:** Well that could have gone better. 

 

_**< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins> **has logged out _

**_< EliteSneakThief> _ ** _has logged out_

**_< KhajiitSneakThief>_ ** _has logged out_

 

**betterthingstodo:**  So, my old friend, what do you think of this one

**Vekel_The_Man:** She has potential. The good kind. 

**betterthingstodo:** The 'tell Frey about this' kind, I guess

**Vekel_The_Man:** Whoa, not yet. Any thief can swagger into the Flagon and claim to get things done, only to come back with either empty pockets or a bashed-in skull. She's got to be tested after a while, old friend. 

**betterthingstodo:** You're right

**betterthingstodo:** After a few small jobs, I have just the thing for her

 

_**< betterthingstodo>** has logged out_

**_< Vekel_The_Man>_ ** _has logged out_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Who:
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief: Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> betterthingstodo: Brynjolf
> 
> EliteSneakThief: Delvin Mallory
> 
> Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins: Vex
> 
> Vekel_The_Man: ...Do I really need to say it?
> 
> FuneralDirge: Dirge
> 
> xXGoldenTouchXx: Tonilia


	4. A New Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duella returns to her friend, makes a new friend, and finds comfort.

** A New Friend? **

 

 **_< KhajiitSneakThief>_ ** _has logged in_

 

 **_< GoldHair_GoldHeart>_ ** _has logged in_

 

 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**  Duella? Ella dear, it's late! are you alright? where have you been? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one had her first job here in Whiterun, with 250 septims! Delvin called it "fishing". A fancy word for what it truly was. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Orian? Are you alright...? ):

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...whatever this 'Dragonborn' thing is, can't you just make your wages doing that? rather than...proving people right?

  **KhajiitSneakThief:**...I know what people think as soon as they see me. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Thief.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Swindler.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Skooma-sucker.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Sugarhead. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...A walking pelt. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** If I am going to prove them right, I shall AT LEAST look good doing it. Besides, what else can this one do in this land full of cold wind and cold people? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**...you know, I've seen many thieves come and go through the years I've lived. many came up short. many others made a rather interesting lightning rod for my spells on my travels. how will I know if...my best friend will be different? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...I will show you. Even if I may not end up to be the best Dragonborn, I am pretty sure that I will be damn good at this. 

 

 **< xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx> ** _has signed on and entered the chatroom_

 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:**  Dibella bless you, little lady~. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!!! who are you?! why are you here?!

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** You made it, new friend! :D

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Orian, this is a new friend of mine! I met him when he was performing in the Bannered Mare after my job! His name is Maliq~! 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Pleasure to meet you, Elf~. This young woman has...bragged quite a bit about you. 

  **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** did she tell you how easily I could turn someone into a lightning rod? or how quickly I could conjure a blade or an atronach? did she tell you how well I can read a battlefield? 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:**...No, no, no, and no. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!!! then....what did she say about me? 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** She told me how stalwart of a friend you are. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!!! *gaaaaaaasp* SHE DID?! she...really meant it? ...well, that kitten has some...explaining to do. speaking of explaining, everyone in Whiterun has been talking about you, Ella. you and this 'Dragonborn' thing. is it bad? good? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...It is a long story. One that Khajiit is too tired to tell. Perhaps tomorrow? 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** And once you've told it, is it alright if I tell it wherever we stop to rest? I feel like...this will end up being pretty damn big. 

**< KhajiitSneakThief> ** _has disconnected_

**GoldHair_GoldHeart:**  !!! :O she fell asleep! and she's heavy!! this cat needs to lay off the sweet rolls! hey, Maliq, help me carry her to the Bannered Mare?

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Yes. Are the two of you always like this? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** sort of, why do you ask? 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Because my travels just got a lot less lonesome and a lot more interesting~.

 

_**< xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx> **has logged off_

**_< GoldHair_GoldHeart>_ ** _has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Who:
> 
>  
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief: Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> GoldHair_GoldHeart: Orian Adaire
> 
> xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx: Maliq


	5. A New Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duella explains it all. Mostly.

**A New Friend?**

 

  _ **< Skald_of_the_Sands> **has logged in_

 **_< GoldHair_GoldHeart>_ ** _has logged in_

_**< KhajiitSneakThief>** has logged in_

**_< The-OG-Housecarl>_ ** _has logged in_

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**  Lydia! You are here! :D

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** But, of course, my Thane

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** I signed on as soon as Jarl Balgruuf assigned me to guard you 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Now, where is everyone else? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** present, ladies. Maliq is getting his mace tempered at Warmaiden's. shall we wait until everyone is here? it would be the polite thing to do. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one is waiting! But, to pass the time, perhaps we shall play a game! ^_^

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** what sort of game? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** A word game! A pun-and-rhyme game! It is quite easy to do! This one will say a word, and the two of you will think of a word that rhymes with it and a pun for the word! Whomever does it best wins and says the next word! 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Seems fine

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** I'm in! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Hooray! The word shall be... "Sweet"!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** quit complementing yourself, Ella dear! my rhyme would be..."eat".

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** And mine is "meat"

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** And mine shall be "defeat", something I'll easily do in this game~. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!! what?! where WERE you?! 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** At Avenicci's. She was fixing up a part of my mace...

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ah, yes, "fixing", that's what they all say. 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Hey! No! She's MARRIED! I'd never dishonor her or myself like that! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Nooooo! Tsin'ra di jer afa dok hika! D:

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** What did you say...?

 **The-OG-Housecarl:**...Uh, could you repeat that, my lady? 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** I believe that she is talking in her native tongue. from what I have heard, it is quite difficult to learn. what are you saying, Ella dear?

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** For Duella's friends to cease their shouting! D: 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** oh, no, we're so sorry! we had no idea!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** now, what was it you wanted to tell us fully?

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one is the Dragonborn. Apparently a Dragonborn is a mortal person born with the soul of a dragon, a child of....what do the Nords call their Alkosh? 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Akatosh, lady Thane

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Thank you so much, Lydia! Anyways, being the Dragonborn means that this one must slay dragons...even though a great big black one had saved her from looking up at her own body. 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Wait...you mean Helgen??

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!!!! what?! you were in that tiny town when that hulking thing destroyed it?! are you alright?!

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** More importantly, my feline friend...why were you there in the first place? Wait...what's that roaring noise?!

 

**_< KhajiitSneakThief> _ ** _has been disconnected_

 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:**  It seems that the two of you will finally get to see a real Nord legend up close and personal

 

_**< The-OG-Housecarl> **has logged out _

_**< GoldHair_GoldHeart> **has logged out _

_**< xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx> **has logged out_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Who:
> 
>  
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief: Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> GoldHair_GoldHeart: Orian Adaire
> 
> xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx: Maliq
> 
> The-OG-Housecarl: Lydia


	6. A New Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duella REALLY explains it all, I swear.

Entering Chatroom:  **A New Friend?**

 

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged in_

**_< GoldHair_GoldHeart>_ ** _has logged in_

 ** _< The-OG-Housecarl>_** _has logged in_  
  
**< xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx> **has logged in

 

 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** That was a dragon we had just fought, dear friends!

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** oh. great. good to know, Ella, my dear. that blasted overgrown lizard nearly bit my head clean off! 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Well...that was an experience. Something to write about, no doubt. Is everyone okay? 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** I'm fine

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** What about you my lady Thane? 

  **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one is fine...and right in front of you! 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** I'm surprised you are...considering what happened after you killed the scaled beast. You...stripped it down to its bones and there were these lights flowing into you...

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** yes, I was going to mention that! what you did, Ella, was...astounding. how did you perform such magic??

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...You all will not hate this one if she told you? :( 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Why in Nirn would we? We'll just...try to understand as best we can. 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** My lady Thane...don't be afraid

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** It will be okay

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Very well...I will do my best.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Somehow, when this one was born, she was blessed with the blood of Alkosh, the Dragon Cat. Or, in the case of Lydia's pantheon, Akatosh, the lord of the Divines. This one is, apparently, a Dragonborn, a being of great power who can absorb the souls of dragons, who are also children of Akatosh....like the one that attacked at Helgen. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** wait, HELGEN?! that place was burnt to cinders; I thought it was by some sort of riot! 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** No, my tall friend. It was indeed a dragon. It was as black as night, with wings bearing spikes as sharp as razors...and those eyes, they were like blood red rubies lit aflame...

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ah, so THAT'S why you were mumbling and moaning in your sleep last night! odd, I thought it was because of...you-know-who~. 

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** Wait, who? Anyways, my feline friend, I have a feeling that this isn't the end of things. Which reminds me; when we were headed back here after that dragon attack at the tower, I could have sworn feeling the ground shake and...a crowd of people shouting something.

  **GoldHair_GoldHeart:**!!! you too?! 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Me too

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** They were shouting something called 'Dovahkiin', a word in our ancient tongue

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** I told Jarl Balgruuf about it and he was...well...

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** shook?

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Pretty much

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** He said that it's the Greybeards summoning the Dragonborn to their monastery atop the Throat of The World

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** It's a...pretty damn high honor to have, my lady Thane

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...Why this one? She is a Khajiit, not a Nord! And a fledgling thief, besides! Why must she traverse this mountain in place of a strong, brave, hearty Nord warrior? Like Lydia?

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** My lady, I'm just a housecarl

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one had no reason to be escorted to Helgen's headsman, why must she be this Nord legend?! >~<

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:**...You're here, alive, talking with us after you slew a gods-damned DRAGON. You survived HELGEN. If you can handle all that, you can handle this dragonborn shit. 

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** he's right! and if you're worried about going up a mountain alone, you have me, Lydia, and Maliq with you all along the way! you aren't doing this Dragonborn business alone. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one thanks you all...but she needs some time to...process all of this. Perhaps this one will take some Guild jobs to clear her head. 

 

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged out_

 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Yeah, I have a plan already

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** oh? what plan? 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Making my lady Thane happy

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** It IS my job to protect her, after all, and that includes cheering her up

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** And...what does that plan entail, exactly...?

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** ooh, tell us! please! :D

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Food

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Lots of food

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Mainly sweetrolls

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** and alto wine~?

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** That too

 **xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx:** In.

 **GoldHair_GoldHeart:** definitely in. 

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Then it's settled

 **The-OG-Housecarl:** Let's get to it

 

_**< The-OG-Housecarl> **has logged out_

_**< xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx> **has logged out_

_**< GoldHair_GoldHeart> **has logged out_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Who:
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief = Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> GoldHair_GoldHeart = Orian Adaire
> 
> xXSkald_of_the_SandsXx = Maliq
> 
> The-OG-Housecarl = Lydia


	7. Den of Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duella takes on her first Guild job!

Entering Chatroom:  **Den of Thieves**

 

 

 _ **< KhajiitSneakThief>**_  _has logged in_

 ** _< betterthingstodo>_ ** _has logged in_

 ** _< EliteSneakThief>_ ** _has logged in_

 **_< Master_Mercer_Frey> _ ** _has logged in_

 ** _< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins>_ ** _has logged in_

 

 **betterthingstodo:**  so, Mercer, do you think she's ready

 **betterthingstodo:** she's quite a hand at fishing and the lass has a knack for breaking into shop strongboxes

 **EliteSneakThief:** Yeah, she ain't that bad at doing personal jobs She's already done 3 for Windhelm and 2 for Whiterun already

 **EliteSneakThief:** Plus she's learning how to get around without being seen pretty damn well

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** that and she's already busted into 3 strongboxes in Markarth and 4 for Solitude! 

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** so, i think the new girl is ready for a big job 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** You are all quite kind! This one thanks you~! ^_^ 

 **betterthingstodo:** watch it, little Vex

 **betterthingstodo:** it isn't your job to decide who gets what job

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** Brynjolf is right. It isn't your job, Vex.

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** It's mine. And I say she's ready for her first big job. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Oh? Where will it be? How shall this one proceed?

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:**...You ever hear of a little manor called Goldenglow Estate, cat?

 **EliteSneakThief:** Whoa whoa whoa

 **EliteSneakThief:** Goldenglow???

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** boss, are you serious?! that place is locked up tighter than Maven's wrinkly old cold and lonely snatch! 

 **EliteSneakThief:** Welp I'm going to need five extra bottles of mead to wash THAT out of my mind Vex

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** that is infested with mercenaries and even I can't get in!! even through the sewers!

 **betterthingstodo:** maybe she might be different

 **betterthingstodo:** what say you, new girl

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one does not even know where it is! D:

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** Relax. It's just outside of Riften, near the stables. You can't miss it. 

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** My decision is final. The cat's off to Goldenglow. Do a good job or don't bother coming back at all. 

 

_**< Master_Mercer_Frey> **has logged out_

 

 **EliteSneakThief:**  So it's settled then

 **EliteSneakThief:** Even though our little Vex couldn't get in just use what I've taught you and head in through the sewers

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** wtf did I say about calling me that name?!

 **EliteSneakThief:** Anyways avoid the mercenaries if you can and you'll do great

 **EliteSneakThief:** I know it

 **EliteSneakThief:** Best of luck

 

_**< EliteSneakThief> **has logged out_

 

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:**  ...you sure about taking this job? it ain't gonna be easy. but, if you do manage to get inside....unlock literally EVERYTHING. oh, and uh, don't forget the beehives.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Beehives?

 **betterthingstodo:** ah yes those damned beehives

 **betterthingstodo:** the owner of the estate has five beehives on the grounds

 **betterthingstodo:** for trying to anger Maven you need to send a message by burning three of them

 **betterthingstodo:** burn anymore and you'll piss her off which is the last thing we want

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Wait, MAVEN?! You all work for Maven?! D:<

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** it sucks, right?! but considering that the Guild is...not exactly the best right now, we kinda need the money and, unfortunately for us, Maven's got it. buuuuut....if you keep doing jobs for us, that might change.

 **betterthingstodo:** she's right but focus on your task for now

 **betterthingstodo:** get into the estate however you can burn no more than three beehives and get the safe key from Aringoth the owner

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** What shall this one do with the owner? Pickpocket the key? Is it hidden?

 **betterthingstodo:** it's on him but you can either swipe it off him or convince him to hand it over

 **betterthingstodo:** but...if things go south you have freedom to kill him

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** What?! But we are THIEVES! 

 **betterthingstodo:** yes we are but we only resort to murder if the target has done something deserving of it or if there's no other option

 **betterthingstodo:** you have your assignment now get going

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** good luck!! you're gonna need it!

 

_**< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins> **has logged out_

_**< betterthingstodo> **has logged out_

_**< KhajiitSneakThief> **has logged out_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Who:
> 
>  
> 
> KhajiitSneakThief = Duella-daro Ven'ah
> 
> betterthingstodo = Brynjolf
> 
> Master_Mercer_Frey = Mercer Frey
> 
> EliteSneakThief = Delvin Mallory
> 
> Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins = Vex


	8. Den of Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat returns!
> 
>  
> 
> (Yes, a Studio Ghibli reference~.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is a spinoff of A Cat's Tale, this chatfic is also based off of my Modded Skyrim playthrough that includes these mods that can be for the PC, Xbox One, and possibly PS4:
> 
> -Thieves Guild For Good Guys  
> -Dark Brotherhood For Good Guys  
> -Following Mercer: A Thieves Guild Quest

 

Entering Chatroom:  **Den of** **Thieves**

 

 

 _ **< KhajiitSneakThief>**_  _has logged in_

 ** _< betterthingstodo>_ **  _has logged in_

 ** _< EliteSneakThief>_ **  _has logged in_

 ** _< Master_Mercer_Frey> _ ** _has logged in_

 ** _< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins>_ **  _has logged in_

 

 **betterthingstodo:** so you made it back with Aringoth in one piece

 **betterthingstodo:** job well done

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** Not well done. Leaving him alive I understand...but you didn't burn a single damn beehive. WHY. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** You are the Thieves Guild, allied with Maven, yes? ...She would surely need all five beehives to keep her mead flowing. Aringoth or no, the beehives are needed.

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:**...I'll allow it. 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** :D

 **Master_Mercer_Frey:** For now.

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** D: 

 

 ** _< Master_Mercer_Frey> _ **  _has logged out_

 

 **EliteSneakThief:** As I live and breathe

 **EliteSneakThief:** I knew you could do it, new girl

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** The sneaky one has bet on this one, yes?

 **EliteSneakThief:** And smart as a whip, too

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** still can't believe you made it out with only a few minor injuries. sadly for you, we suck at medicine, so, the most medical care you're getting is a few standard cheap-ass healing potions. 

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** so Brynjolf, is the cat in? 

 **EliteSneakThief:** If Goldenglow is any proof, I hope

 **betterthingstodo:** settle down, settle down

 **betterthingstodo:** she's in

 **Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins:** YES FINALLY ANOTHER CHICK

 **betterthingstodo:** easy now Vex

 **betterthingstodo:** you and Delvin head into the Flagon and think of any new jobs for our newest member

 **betterthingstodo:** she and I need to talk

 

 ** _< EliteSneakThief>_ **  _has logged out_

_**< Queen_Bitch_of_Break-ins> **  _has logged out__

 

* * *

 

 

**__Private Chatroom Between @betterthingstodo And @KhajiitSneakThief_ _ **

 

 **betterthingstodo:** what did you do, lass?

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** What do you mean? 

 **betterthingstodo:** Goldenglow is what I mean

 **betterthingstodo:** I know you probably learned a thing or two from Delvin to stay light on your feet, but, how did you manage to keep the hives intact

 **betterthingstodo:** that's your 200 pieces out the window, lass, for pissing off Maven

 **KhajiitSneakThief:**...The Guild should have no owners but themselves and the Grey Fox. Why must you insist on kneeling to Maven? 

 **betterthingstodo:** because we don't have much choice in the matter of money, I'm afraid

 **betterthingstodo:** and...the Grey Fox? no one has seen them in years, in the flesh anyways

 **betterthingstodo:** we can't afford to follow the Fox's ways, lass

 **betterthingstodo:** we literally can't afford it

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Then perhaps this one can change that. This one proposes that she can fill the Guild's coffers in a year or so. 

 **betterthingstodo:**...everything??

 **betterthingstodo:** our connections, our merchants, our fences, recruits, millions of septims...everything?

 **betterthingstodo:** in a year or so? 

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** Of course!

 **betterthingstodo:**...in the name of sheer blind optimism and bloody dumb luck, I'll make it two

 **KhajiitSneakThief:** This one is on the job! 

 **betterthingstodo:** good lass, now get outta here and celebrate

 **betterthingstodo:** I've got a headache to nurse

 

 _ **< KhajiitSneakThief>**_   _has logged out_

 ** _< betterthingstodo>_ **  _has logged out_


End file.
